Nim's Island: Review

I've been reading reviews of this film in The Star and I keep wondering why don't people just read my blog instead. The reviews in the paper never talks about the film whether it's good or not.. it just babbles on like an advertorial.

Truth is Nim's Island stinks. It totally grated my sense of taste and considering I spent the whole night on a Power Rangers marathon, Nim's Island was the cherry on top of my horrible Monday.

Nim's Island is about 11 year old Nim played by Abigail Breslin who lives on an isolated island with her scientist father played by Gerard Butler. Nim lives a life of fantasy through the books of a famous author, Alexandra played by Jodie Foster. When Nim's father goes missing from their island, a twist of fate brings her together with Alexandra.

 From the get go this film is pure rubbish with loads of false advertising. Take the poster for example

You see that kids? That's a pirate ship. When I saw that I thought, "Great, a nice little pirate fantasy film." But I never got that. Instead, what I did get was cruise vessel filled with overweight Europeans, who are going to "invade" Nim's island.

 Abigail Breslin is totally annoying in the film. Matter of fact, she's annoying in every movie. The fact that a good hour is just on her being a kid playing on the island by herself was really really boring. No seriously, this girl was alone throughout the whole film and when she finally gets company in the form of the great Jodie Foster, what does this little bitch do? She turns into a little whiny kid.

It's nice seeing Jodie Foster play light character for once. Everything I've seen her in either has her depressed, really scared or courting the king of Siam. She plays a female version of Monk in Nim's Island. And it's really funny watching her bumbling her way through the movie what with her antibacterial wipes and all.

And what the hell is up with this Indiana Jones version of Gerard Butler. He served absolutely no purpose other than Jodie Foster's imaginary friend. He comes into the film for about 5 minutes and he's gone. And that accent he had. What the hell was that? I think he offended the French and the Spanish at the same time doing that accent.

And have I told you how weird this island is? In Nim's island, lizards squawk like parrots, seals fart, and volcanoes erupt all of a sudden but conveniently stops just in time for the stupid family ending. Plus, apparently no one can find where this remote island is but there they have Apple Macs with Internet connections faster than my own computer.

I don't think even kid would enjoy this piece of shit. Stay away from Nim's Island like it was SARS and go watch some Lost instead.


RATING: 3/10

Toy Story 3

YES!! My inner child is alive again. OMG it's been like what? 10 years since the last Toy Story and it's confirmed! Pixar is coming back with the third one due to be released in June 2010...why so long wan????

So here's what I do know about the next Toy Story.

The toys are gonna be dumped in some recycling center after their owner left for college. Which kinda freaks me out a bit coz that means Andy kept his toys throughout high school too. Another spoiler in the movie is I heard that Andy was gonna find out his toys are alive.

No Country For Old Men: Review

They gave this movie Best Picture? Seriously? I thought it sucked. Hah! Turns out I don't like everything the Academy likes.

So, No Country For Old Men is directed by the Coen brothers who did O Brother, Where Art Thou? one of my favorite Goerge Clooney movies. But these guys have this thing of breaking the rules in film making by doing some really weird stuff that makes no sense but frequently gets mistaken for artistic brilliance.

No Country For Old Men is a crime thriller adapted from a book about a hunter played by Josh Brolin who comes across a heap of dead bodies, tonnes of heroine and 2 million dollars in what appears to be a drug exchange gone bad. He thinks he's struck gold and thinks he can keep it quiet. But a silent mercenary named Anton Chigurh is one his trail and the hunter is thrown into a deadly chase for his life.

I think No Country would have been great as an action thriller movie where there is just the blood and guns, but Best Picture? Are you kidding me? I mean, I loved the film for the most part. The whole manhunt between Llewelyn and Anton is filled with suspense. I get on the edge of my seat for a good 30 minutes of the film and what goes down in this film is really violent.

I loved the cinematography of the film just like how I love the cinematography in every Coen brothers film. The shots of the Rio Grande desert is breathtaking and should have gotten an Oscar for that. The editing of the film is really tight. It doesn't give you one moment to lighten up. The moment Javier Bardem starts killing people, things just go on one crazy roller coaster ride to hell!

And Javier Bardem! My God I worship this man. I am genuinely terrified by Anton Chigurgh, Jesus Christ this guy was scary. There is this one scene where he is choking a Federal Marshall with his handcuffs, the look that was on his face said everything about his character. There is no mercy in this man. He plays this spine chilling psychotic killer that decides the survival of his victims with a coin toss. Kind of like Harvey Dent but with a big ass gun.

And I'm slightly confused about his gun. So.. is it an air gun or something. Cause at the beginning of the film he shoots a guy in the head using nothing but air, which is friggin awesome. And he goes through the rest of the film killing people with that same gun. So is it an air gun or something? Is there such thing as that? Cause if there is.. I want one of those!!

So with so much great stuff to say about the film, why do I hate it? It was the ending. What the fuck was the ending all about. With about 20 minutes to go in the film, the Llewelyn & Anton story finished of in an unclimatic finale that we didn't even get to see cause it happened off screen. Then the film picks up with another story following Tommy Lee's character as he investigates and close the film talking about his dream that completely makes no sense.

Why? Why do they do this to me. They make a great movie that is genuinely terrifying, great suspense and a body count that can put all the Rambo movies to shame only to screw it all up on purpose at the end. What the hell is that all about? I get that the Coen's never do conventional films but this was just silly. It just get's me so mad that they made me love the development of the film so much and then ends it by spitting in my face.

You know what? For what it's worth, watch No Country for about 70% of it. The just tune out cause you'll really go "Whaaa" at the end. Best Picture my ass!

RATING: 6/10

The Bucket List Review

Ok to the cry babies, you should save a box of tissue before seeing this. Seriously, even I was close to tears myself when the movie ended. So if you watch this, don't watch with Kenny.

 

The theme of The Bucket List was really simple. What would you do if you knew you had 6 months to live? And, who would you do it with? The story is about two complete strangers who are diagnosed with cancer, who escape from the hospital and go on a journey to complete their bucket list, which is this list of things you want to do before you die.

 

The characters and plot developed so well in just a hour and a half movie with Jack Nicholson and Morgan Freeman as the main characters. It didn't really focus on the completing of the list but the friendship between the two guys which got stronger as they went on in their adventure. They started out kinda awkward coz they didn't even know each other at first but as time progressed, it was as if they were life long friends. And Oh My God.....the ending where they had to go their separate ways(oops..spoiler) was so beautiful and sad, for sure your eyes will do waterworks.

 

It's also quite a powerful film about things more important than money and power or even family. I mean, you live your whole life getting a job, climbing ladders, getting money or starting a family, have kids, see them go to college and then when it's all done you just feel shitty coz you realize there was more to life than just that.

The acting was oh so chun from the two Oscar winners and the script is super hilarious. Imagine two 70 year old cancer patients, with their botak heads from chemo going Nascar racing, lion hunting in Africa, sky diving, climbing the Himalaya's, riding Harleys on the Great Wall Of China and getting tattoos. Also, since Jack Nicholson is in it with a black dude, prepare for a lot of discriminative nigga jokes and 'F' bombs. Super funny.

 

This film is a perfect story of life and friendship. It's kinda sad that it's Jack's last one but it's kind of a nice movie to end on. For sure after the movie, you'll have that fuzzy feeling inside and a strong want to hug your best friend.

RATING: 7/10

Kristen Kreuk is Chun-Li!

As you guys may have already heard, there is going to be a Street Fighter movie coming out in 2009 and guess who's the main character? CHUN-LI!!! Finally, something good from Street Fighter. For my entire childhood , I can never watch the show without seeing Jean-Claude Van Damme try to speak proper English half-naked.

Cmon guys you know its true. The only reason why we watched Street Fighter last time was for Chun-Li. I don't exactly remember her superpower but I know it had something to do with her long, luscious legs (see..drooling adi). And the best part is that Smallville's Kristen Kreuk is going to play the part. She so fine.....

I think the movie is going to be called Street Fighter: The Legend Of Chun-Li but it sounds too cheesy so maybe it's just a working title. Coz Chun-Li is not old, and therefore cannot be legend, yet. Or maybe they're going to make a movie about an old, dried up Chun-Li in an old folks home reminiscing about her heydays and thats why its called The Legend Of Chun Li.....OMG! I'm spoiling my own hype! I just hope they don't turn it into another spin-off failure like Elektra. Keep it simple, show a lot of flesh, a lot of exploding things and none of that hero crap.

Well, we just wait and see la. But now back to Kristen. After seeing her acting in Smallville, do you think she can play someone as big as Chun-Li? My answer........

She sure can! Muahaha