Twilight: Review

God can these girls get any more annoying? Every time they see any material related to Twilight they go AAHH OH MY GOD OH MY GOD AHH!

 

I mean calm down. Drop the hypocritical acts man. Honest to God truth? None of us has heard of the Twilight series until the buzz started in the US. If it was really your every ounce of soul, why no one talked about it till now? Face it... You were only doing it cause everyone else was doing it.

 

 So Twilight the movie is about Bella Swan who moves to live with her dad in Washington. And people practically gave her a parade when she got there. I mean guys were kissing her and doing all these stupid stuff to get her attention and all Bella does is go, "Ooh.... no.. I like to be alone." This girl was boring! No wonder vampires wanna hang out with you.

 

   

 So the school Bella's school has these vampires. And surprisingly, no one saw these pasty white kids with glowing eyes and thought they were vampires. Then one day Bella almost gets hit by a truck and Edward Cullen (AHH AHH OH MY GOD!!!) jumps in and saves her. And from that moment on, things just come to a screeching halt. Most of the scenes later were just montages of the two staring into each others eyes.

 

  

 Some problems that I had with this movie was that they really pushed in a lot of things that didn't make sense like Edward would be going "Hey Bella, we shouldn't be friends, stay away from me."And then 5 minutes later he comes around and catches and apple for her. And ugh...the cheesy dialogue man.

For instance:

Edward- Say it out loud.

Bella- Vampire

Edward- Are you afraid?

Bella- I'm afraid of losing you

I mean... Whaa?

 

  

 Another problem I had was that the story didn't really pick up till the very end of the film. The first hour was all about the romance and the director even managed to screw that up. I didn't see no Titanic shit. And quite frankly, there wasn't much chemistry between Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson.

 

  

And because of that, there was little development of the other characters like the bad guys who only get introduced later on. There was little development on the Cullen family which I found much more interesting to watch. Most of the good parts of the show was when the Cullens were together but it was all kinda brief.

 

  

 My fav would probably be the baseball scene which was really well edited plus the Muse background music. And is it just me or is Alice Cullen's pitching style a turn on?

Alice Cullen was my favorite in the whole movie. There's some Luna Lovegood-ish feeling about her. Plus the actress playing her is just hot!

Ashley Greene.. Damn!

And honestly, I think she likes Bella more than Edward does actually. Like the time when Bella got bitten by James and was throwing herself all over the floor. Did Edward go to her? Nope Alice did. And she had more balls to resist drinking her blood than him. That stupid motherfucker, I can't believe girls fall for your ass. They should just have a lesbo movie with Alice Cullen and Bella. I'd pay for that.

 

 

So watching this movie, I know that the fans were really going to have the same syndrome we Star Wars fans have and like the movie how bad it is. But overall I expected much worse from it and just pray to God the girls won't go gila again when New Moon comes out.

RATING: 5/10

Bolt: Review

Disney Animation Studios makes a comeback after killing itself with Chicken Little and Meet The Robinsons with Bolt.Which, surprisingly is a pretty darn cool movie.

 Bolt is about a dog named Bolt who's voiced by John Trovolta. Bolt is the star of is own show where he is a super dog with superpowers and has to protect his owner from being kidnapped by these terrorist who wants to use her to blackmail her dad into making weapons for them. The problem is that Bolt thinks that the whole TV show is real. He genuinely believes his owner voiced by Miley Cyrus is in danger and that he has superpowers. So when a mishap happens and Bolt escapes into the real world, he gets into all kinds of trouble cause he still thinks he's a super dog and he goes on this road trip to try and reunite with his owner.

Think Buzz Lightyear and Homeward Bound and you'll get Bolt. It's the classic Disney story of some guy who thinks he's special but finds out he was living a lie but through the challenges in the movies, he learns that he is special in his own way. Bla bla bla, how touching. We've seen this a million times but Bolt has what most Disney animated films have been lacking lately. An interesting story!

Finally after a decade of crap fest, Disney is finally making good movie again. Bolt isn't one of the best they've done but it's the best they've done in a long time. The storyline of Bolt is predictable but what makes this movie work is the charm of it's characters. The three main characters are incredibly enjoyable to watch. We have Bolt who's still naive and practically walking into all sorts of dangerous shit because he thinks he's superman. Then we have Mittens who's this cat that gets dragged along Bolts quest and has to deal with all the crazy things Bolt puts them through.

And finally we have Rhino who is by far the funniest awesomest character from Disney this year. He's Bolt's No. 1 fan and spends most of the film gawking over him like how a Star Trek nerd would be if he saw Leonard Nimoy. Rhino is so hilarious to watch and I'm not surprise if Disney makes a spin-off series with him.

The other thing I love about Bolt is the opening sequence of this movie where we get an action scene which sets up the whole premise of the show. And damn that action scene was muthafuckingly amazingly awesome! It was just like the motorcycle chase scene from Advent Children only it had a dog and Hanna Montana in it hahaha.

 

And the great part is that it was Disney intentionally making fun of itself cause the action scene is very much like the kind of action scenes we see in Jerry Bruckheimer movies where there's lots of slow mos and the zooming in on the weirdest stuff. It was brilliant. And they didn't even try to hide the fact that they were parodying Bruckheimer, the made it incredibly obvious.

Bolt is great and I hope that Disney can keep this up when Princess and the Frog comes out next year.

RATING: 6/10

Space Chimps: Review

Bullshit.. bullshit.. bullshit... bullshit. This movie has been selling like crazy at my DVD store and I can't figure out why kids love this movie so much. Space Chimps is really incredibly annoying and sooo not funny at all.

So Space Chimps is about the space program that apparently have been training monkeys to do the space exploration stuff for them. Literally.. the lunar landings and everything were all the work of monkeys apparently. And now.. when one of their exploration pods finds a new planet, they send a team of monkeys to check the place out and they uncover a whole new world of shitty crap!

Space Chimps is everything that is wrong about animation. After so many years of Pixar churning out fantastic animated films, you'd think people would get the ques and stop making animation that is only funny when they make pop culture references. I mean this movie was really really shit. Through a good full hour, all we have is just a bunch of poorly animated monkeys talking about Britney Spears and doing the funky chicken to Crazy Frog.

And it also helps the dynamics of the film when you have a main villain that is barely scary nor threatening. The big bad guy in this film that is supposedly terrorizing the planet is this bumbling alien dude that spends most of the movie loosing his temper and *gasp dipping poor aliens in some freezing goo. Oooh so evil...

I'm really getting annoyed with animated films using celebrities to draw in audiences when they don't even have the voices that fit the characters. The voice actors are really useless and none of the characters in this movie are vaguely likable nor memorable.

The only one worth mentioning is Kilowatt voiced by the ever-so-awesome Kristen Chenoweth who is still able to be cute and funny given the limited material she had to work with.

The animation is mediocre at best and the background landscape is so badly detailed. Actually, the graphics look the same as the graphics as any PlayStation 1 games that came out 20 years ago. But I look at the 30 million dollar budget and wonder where on earth did all the money go to? Oh wait... I know. The celebrity voice cast.

Space Chimps is boring, poorly animated and makes so many attempts at being funny but falls so flat that even I feel embarrassed for the producers of this piece of shit.

RATING: 2/10