Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull: Review

Indy's back! But after this movie I think he should have stayed in retirement.

Now let's be honest, this was a pretty good movie. It's just that I am so sick of the Spielberg-Lucas duo that are reviving old movie favorites just to make a quick buck.

So Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull is set 20 years after the events of The Last Crusade. Indy is retired and lecturing. But he gets drawn back into the tomb aiding business when Cate Blanchett and some Russians ask him for help to find this magnetized alien head from Area 51. Then Shia LaBeouf comes in and says that he needs Indy's help to find-- ah wtf the movie really made no sense. Pfft!

And you know, I'm getting really sick of Shia LaBeouf sticking his hiney into every Spielberg movie possible. What kind of blackmail thing does Shia have going on with Spielberg. Practically every movie Spielberg make has Shia starring in it. I almost ripped my eyes out at the end when they nearly hinted that Shia was going to be taking over the Indiana Jones franchise. Jesus Christ I genuinely nearly had a heart attack there in the cinema.

But for what it's forth, 20 years on and Harrison Ford's still got it. I loved him as Indiana Jones in the first 3 films and I love him here. He is the only character besides Marion that I enjoyed watching only cause it was some sort of nostalgic moment. What would have really sold the film if all the girls Indy has banged in the last two films like Kate Capshaw make a cameo. That would have been awesome.

Cate Blanchett with a bob.. she looked a hell lot like my aunty with that haircut you know. It was so friggin weird how much they resembled each other. And the lousy Russian accent didn't help.. not one bit.

The stunts and the stuff Indy does in this movie has finally cross that line between realistic and downright bullshit. In the movie we have Indiana Jones being shot up in a fridge 200,000 feet in the air by an atom bomb blast and he makes it out without a scratch. In the next movie I bet the guy's gonna find a paper plate on an airplane and air board off it. I think Spielberg was a little drunk when he was writing that part.

The second part of the film turns into this really big video game where it becomes more of the obstacles than really focusing on the characters. While it still retains that Indiana Jones adventure feel, I dunno.. it just wasn't the same feeling I had when I saw Raiders of the Lost Ark.

But there were some action sequences I really enjoyed. The big car chase scene through the jungle was phenomenal. But whats up with all these bad guys having lousy aim. I mean their practically spraying bullets at Indy and not a single one hits him. They must have went to the same scooting school with the Storm Troopers or something. Oh and I love that ant scene, that was uber awesomeness!

Indiana Jones 4 is a worthy addition to the franchise but it really wasn't necessary at all. Though I did enjoy it for the most parts, I swear if they make a 5th movie I will kidnap Spielberg and George Lucas and feed them to those ant things.

RATING: 6/10

Speed Racer: Review

Oh God this post is super late. So anyway, went to watch Speed Racer. Was really psyched. It's done by the Wachowski brothers, the same dudes who gave me my favorite film of all time, The Matrix. And I like Speed Racer. I used to watch it every Saturday morning on NTV7. I enjoyed the film, but it was really bad.

The movie is about 18 year old Speed Racer played by Emile Hirsch who's life revolves around race car driving. He gets a big break to sign on with a huge racing company but turns it down to stay with his family. Speed also uncovers a secret that top corporate interests, including Royalton, are fixing races and cheating to gain profit. With the offer to Speed denied, Royalton wants to ensure that Speed will not win races. Speed finds support from his parents and his girlfriend Trixie and enters The Crucible in a partnership with his one-time rival, Racer X, seeking to rescue his family's business and the racing sport itself.

I did like that Speed Racer stayed true to it's original cartoon form. The visuals are so over the top in this. It's all flashy, so fluid like and kind of fake. I felt like I was having an epileptic seizure watching Speed Racer. It's great they paid homage to the anime series but they should have toned it down just a bit for the film. It looked really out of place, you know what I mean?

But what's great, and I mean great, are the race scenes. They were incredibly breakneck fast-paced action set pieces and just one after another the race sequences gets even more intense. Though I did feel the car gadgets like that jumping thing was slightly odd, I liked the racing. So any of ya'll looking for some adrenaline pumping goodness, Speed Racer might do it for ya'll.

Can I just say that I really hate the cars. They look so fake. No really, how did they even get pass the editing room, they are really badly animated and poorly done.

Oh yeah, and we all know that Rain is in this and to be honest, his character served absolutely no purpose to the story what so ever. Every frame he was in was totally unnecessary. Even the whole racing sequence with him in it in the middle of the film was actually useless to the development of the plot if you think about it.God knows why they even needed to cast his character in the movie for. And by the way, his acting really blows.

So anyway, great popcorn flick.. worth checking out for the race sequences. Shut out every cheesy line and badly animated special effects.

RATING: 4/10

Black Snake Moan: Review

Black Snake Moan. And if you think the title of the movie is crazy.. wait till you see the actual film. Damn! A movie where Christina Ricci is super naked and super slutty and is practically chained up like a dog by Samuel L Jackson? You nowt his is going to be kick ass!

So Black Snake Moan is about Lazarus and Rae. Lazarus is a man who have been betrayed by his wife and is heartbroken. Rae is a wild girl with a history of sexual abuse as a child and looks for love in the wrong places. But chance comes and these two are brought together and we see a father daughter relationship grow from this unlikely pair.

And there ain't anything better than watching Christina Ricci be stark ass naked and wrapped around in a chain! This is one of Christina Ricci's greatest roles. And I'm not just saying that cause she spends most of this movie being hella naked and super slutty.

Rae is genuinely a very deep character that is so flawed but you still root for her. She sort of reminds me of Annette from Saturday Night Fever who is really jut looking for someone who will love her by the only way she knows how and that is fucking every single boy she comes across. And to think that Christina Ricci lost so much weight and still looks as hot as she did, wow!

But speaking from the POV of an 18 years old with crazy hormones.. I thin I'm in love with Christina Ricci after this. This girl practically throws herself into the nastiest sickest sex scenes I have ever seen since Monster's Ball and she showed absolutely no shame or regret doing it.

She was friggin hot. We even have one scene where Samuel L Jackson's got her chained up and is walking her in the jungle like she was some dog and she still looked hella hot! And I really envy that 12 year old kid that got to have sex with her. Damn you Leonard Thomas!

I love the soundtrack to this movie to! It's got a whole lot of blues and soul and a whole lot of blue grass country.And who knew Samuel L Jackson could sing?!

And it's great to see my man Samuel L Jackson back doing great roles like this after taking a tour down shitty movies like Snakes On A Plane. His character in Black Snake Moan is sort of what Jules from Pulp Fiction would have been if he went all Jesus crazy and started doing drugs. We have him being all Christian like quoting Bible verses left right and centre, we got him acting like an old hippie, planting his own veges, and laying the guitar and doing massive amounts of drugs that would even make Keith Richards go "Shit!"

Samuel L Jackson is crazy in this movie. And in a good way to. We have this man who is tempted in the form of a hot Christina Ricci but a the same time finds it hard to let her in after the hurt he has gone through in the past. And you know Samuel L Jackson really is crazy when Christina Rici is practically begging him to let her give him a blow job and he's like "Jesus save me!"

And Justin Timberlake's in this playing Rae's boyfriend. He's really kind of a wimp in this movie and has these panic attacks like they were epileptic seizures. And he is downright annoying in this film and takes away a lot of focus which was mainly suppose to be on Samuel L Jackson and Christina Ricci. But I was surprised at how well the guy could ct. He wasn't bad i this, it's just his character that irritated me.

Great film with knockout performances by Christina Ricci and Samuel L Jackson!

RATING: 6/10